▶ "You look like a talent scout for a cemetery."; "You have a nice personality, but not for a human being."; "Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to."; "While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake."; "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."; …
"This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!"; "This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number."; "There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out."; "The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret."; "The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip."; "That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!"; "Take my wife... Please!"; "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."; "She has a wash and wear bridal gown."; "My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way."; "My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself."; "My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash."; "Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport."; "If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas."; "I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places."; "I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."; "I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet."; "I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him."; "I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays."; "A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student."; "A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well."
Freebase Primary MID
Edit this profile
Rate this answer:
Tell me what you know about Henry "Henny" Youngman (original Russian surname Yungman) (March 16, 1906 â€“ February 24, 1998), the British-American comedian and violinist famous for "one-liners", short, simple jokes usually delivered rapid-fire.