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April Winchell quotations

  • "Orphans, dead parents, lonely children at Christmas, morose spoken word recordings, everything you love about the holidays. Move the turkey over so you can fit your head in the oven."
  • "Personally, I think tying garbage bags around your head and hands is overkill."
  • "The theme of the party was Neverland Ranch, so guests were asked to come as anyone or anything associated with Michael Jackson. It was all very disturbing."
  • "I remember lying down for a nap one day at about 4:00 and walking up at 11:00 the next morning."
  • "I never have anything to talk about."
  • "I had a migraine for about seven or eight straight days, and I was unable to sleep most nights."
  • "I have found that many other countries will buy off on anything American. As much as they hate us, they want to be us more than anything."
  • "I can wholeheartedly apologize for not being at all sorry. And it really is the least I can do."
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